Birthday Update

I really enjoyed my birthday this year. Typically I’m not one for a whole lot of celebration. Guess it goes back to once being a Jehovah’s witness (didn’t have big birthday celebrations) and always wishing I had more friends. Still getting used to the idea that people like me, think it stems from deep-rooted rejection over the years. Deep down I wish I was a little cocky and overly self-confident.  It would make certain situations a lot easier to deal with.

Consumed lots of alcoholic beverage, but stopped right before becoming ill. Dancing in gay bars, tapas and some of the best sangria I’ve had outside my partner’s homemade variety.

So I’m sitting here watching The Twilight Zone just thinking about how badly I’m waiting for a paycheck. Under $100 to my name and the bills keep coming. When I lived with my parents I never lived paycheck to paycheck. It’s not the best feeling, but I am making as big an impact as possible on my salary. If my estimates are correct, this is going to be a three-week pay period, combined with my bonus I’m hoping this check is enough to cover my outstanding credit card balance.

Sallie Mae on my birthday sent an email reminder to submit my 2011 Tax paperwork for them, to reassess my loan payments for the interest-based repayment program. My income was a notch above the poverty level last year so I’d expect my monthly payment will be 0 or close to 0 again. I still am assessing whether it makes sense to continually chip away at the loan or just save the money (possibly a short-term CD I keep adding to each month) in an account and see if they cover the interest payments.

I’m grateful to have a job, but at 29 I really think I should be earning much more. Had I continued in my banking path I’d be making 50% more than I am now. I have friends who completely hate their jobs and work so much they have almost no social life. On the flip side their salaries are double or triple mine. Does balance exist? Short of burning myself out in my current role, how can I accelerate this process and enjoy the process? Questions only I can answer. I do know one thing, I’m not falling in the trap of leaving a job without having another one lined up. That poor decision in 2009 made me burn through 10k of savings surpluses and when I moved having almost no income for 6 months.

I do know one fact, over the next 3 months more positions are going to open up at levels above mine.  I need to keep demonstrating I am at the top of the pack and one of the most desirable people to get promoted. Of all my jobs in the last 12 years I have never really been super  happy with them.  Means to an end rather than something I could see myself doing for the rest of my life. I know it sucks but that’s my reality right now.

For now though, sleep is in order.

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