Black Friday Thoughts…

Typing this at 2am on a Saturday so have mercy. Simply put I drank too much on Thanksgiving Day. I’m what many would refer to as a lightweight, especially with darker drinks. You’d think that at close to 220lb I would be able to handle my liquor better. I slept for 4 hours after the jolting experience, luckily I was home already.  Then I got back online and went back to sleep. Hungover for a big chunk of Friday. Feel as if I’m to the point where I never want to drink again.

The urge  most people feel to spend money they never had to begin with is lacking in me. Parents are a couple thousand miles away and they know about my financial situation, no kids and friends too know I’m broke. I do want to spend money on my lover though, he goes out of his way time and time again to make me happy.

We met up with two friends today. Both make substantially more money than I do. I would guess 3-4x. One dropped over a G on a Stella Mccartney handbag. Is it the wisest thing she should be doing with her money? I would say hardly, but at the end of the day she can afford it. It’s also a form of retail therapy with some of the other events that have happened over the past year.

I put up a vision board earlier this week. Nothing is on it. Two big things I think are going to be a weight log and a monthly debt log. I’ve been in a mega-rut lately.  Been poor with the student loan cash put aside, then sadness about my great aunt being in and out of the hospital (possibly leukemia..), my 2nd grandmother’s passing in July, a homophobic grandfather who I’m not out to, deceased grandmother, father and never knowing his parents and my mom / stepdad (who recently underwent cancer treatment) being hundreds of miles away. I really try not to let the weight of it pull me down but there are times when it gets ‘heavy’. I think my experiences make me standoffish about people in general. Don’t let them get too close because of the pain of losing them. I’m not really sure what a ‘normal’ family is like.

I have a lot of surface friends in Dallas or people I work with, but not one that I hang with independently of my bf. I think that too has been making me a little crazy. In NY there were like 5 different people I would do things with. Half the things my bf / his friends are into I have no interest in such as Rupaul’s Drag Race, anime tv shows. Idk, I’m just in bitch-mode.  This too shall pass.

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